I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
