My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
