i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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