Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
