i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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