Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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