im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
