I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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