Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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