I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
