i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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