do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need a beard to bite.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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