I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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