Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
