Nicole vs. Life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
