What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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