had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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