i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Soap is not a condiment
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
