so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
