My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
