My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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