That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
