I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
