I faked an abortion last night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
