That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
