just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
