Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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