As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His nipple licking is glorious
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