words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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