I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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