Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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