I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have fence marks all over my body
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
