I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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