i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
