If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
