Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
