You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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