Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
