He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
