You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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