I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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