found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
