Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
