Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
