I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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