Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
