I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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