tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
