I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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