You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
