stop calling my apartment porn island.
you win again, gameday.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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