Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
