Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That accounts for only three of the penises
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize