don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I touched a dick in church today
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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