Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
