Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
