He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
