the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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