i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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