I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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