A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
