I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
