my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Two words: blizzard sex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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