It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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