sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
