Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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