I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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