There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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