I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
