Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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