didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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