literally had 100 drinks last night.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
