You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
