part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
