the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
