i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
