They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
