mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
