I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My pussy is not your playground.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
