Quick, to the slutcave!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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