i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
