Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
