1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
