I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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