note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
