can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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