Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
