Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize