he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
