we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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