I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
