My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
