i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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