I just cut my nipple shaving
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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