Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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