I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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