So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
