Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
