Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
