just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
