THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My bed smells like the plague
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
