Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Text me some of your sweat
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