hell yes lets make some ravioli
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
