It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
