the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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