You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
