The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
