she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
