Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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